Growing Without Applause

We grow up believing that love and support go hand in hand. That our family, friends, and close coworkers will naturally back us when we decide to evolve, level up, or pursue a more aligned version of ourselves. 

But here’s the hard truth that few people say out loud: 

Sometimes the most powerful resistance to your growth will come from the very people who are supposed to support it.  Not out of hate. Not out of malice. But because your growth inconveniences their comfort. 

A woman overlooking a city

The Resistance No One Warns You About 

When you decide to make a change—start therapy, launch a business, break generational cycles, get married or file for divorce, move away, pursue a new career, set boundaries—the people around you may not always cheer you on. In fact, they might push back. They may guilt you. Dismiss you. Question your motives. Call you selfish. Cold. “Different.” And even use religion or spiritual beliefs as a crutch to aid in their relentless pursuit to keep you where they need you to be. 

You’re growing into a new version of yourself, and the people who are supposed to love you the most are the ones tightening the chains. And worst of all, their withdrawal makes you wonder if you’re being selfish for wanting more—for becoming more. It’s a form of gaslighting.

And it hurts. Because it’s not just resistance. It feels like betrayal. You’re not just trying to make a change; you’re fighting for your future. You’re working to become more honest, more free, more aligned with who you truly are. And in that vulnerable, courageous space, you want your people to be proud of you. Instead, you get side-eyes. Silence. Passive-aggressive comments. Warnings disguised as love. As “I/We want the best for you”.

Emotional Manipulation Masquerading as “Care”.

This isn’t just about misunderstandings—sometimes, it’s emotional manipulation. Phrases like, “You’ve changed… and not in a good way,” or “You think you’re better than us now?” aren’t genuine concerns; they’re subtle weapons. “So, you’re just going to leave us behind?” or “You’re being difficult, selfish, or ungrateful” are not meant to support you but to control you. These statements act like emotional thugs—designed to guilt, intimidate, and keep you small.

They’re meant to make you question your path. To shrink. To pause. To stay. And this kind of manipulation, especially when it comes from someone you love, is a subtle but powerful form of emotional abuse. Because it doesn’t come with raised voices or slammed doors. It comes with tears. Guilt. Silence. Conditional affection.  And over time, it can wear you down—not because you don’t believe in yourself, but because you don’t want to lose the people you love.  

Accountability: Honoring Who You’re Becoming

Accountability isn’t just about checking boxes or following through on promises. At its heart, it’s about staying true to the person you’re becoming—remaining loyal to your own growth and values, even when others may not understand or support your path.

You don’t owe your stagnation to anyone—not your parents, not your friends, not your coworkers, not your religious community.  You owe your progress to the future version of you who is begging you not to settle. You owe it to the child inside you who dreamed of more. You owe it to the legacy you want to leave behind. 

Perseverance: The Grace to Keep Going Without Applause 

Perseverance means continuing even when your support system falls silent—or becomes a source of resistance. It’s moving forward even when people mischaracterize your intentions. It’s choosing to stay rooted in conviction over consensus. 

It’s reminding yourself, again and again, that being misunderstood is not the same thing as being wrong. You do not need their permission to grow. You do not need their approval to heal. You do not need their understanding to be whole. 

Growth Isn’t Betrayal — It’s Liberation 

Sometimes the people who say “I love you” will also be the ones who want to keep you small—not because they’re evil, but because your expansion threatens the dynamics that keep them comfortable. 

But love that demands you stay broken, stuck, or silent—isn’t love. It’s control. And staying small to make others comfortable is not noble. It’s self-abandonment. 

A butterfly’s journey

Choose Freedom Over Familiarity 

Choosing yourself will sometimes mean losing others. Growth is not always a shared journey. As you begin to honor your truth, set boundaries, or pursue a higher version of yourself, some people may drift away or leave altogether. It hurts, yes. But that pain is often the price of stepping into your authenticity. Not everyone is meant to go where you’re going, and not everyone will applaud your evolution. Some only loved the version of you that was convenient, quiet, compliant, or endlessly available. That version may have served their needs, but not your own.

Losing people who only loved the version of you that served them… is no loss at all.
True connection doesn’t require you to shrink. Real love doesn’t punish growth. Anyone who walks away because you’ve grown beyond who they preferred you to be was never truly for you. Let them go. What you lose in people, you gain in peace, clarity, and self-respect.

Stay accountable to the life you know you’re meant for.
You’re here for more. You feel it: deep in your bones, in your spirit. That calling, that tug at your soul? That’s your future self reminding you to keep going. Don’t betray your potential to preserve someone else’s comfort. Don’t dim your light to keep the peace. Instead, rise—even when it’s lonely. Especially when it’s lonely.

Persevere, even when the people you love don’t understand.
It’s okay if they don’t get it. It’s okay if they question your decisions, your path, your new pace. You’re not required to explain your transformation to anyone. You’re not obligated to make it digestible. Just keep showing up for yourself. Time will reveal your intention, your integrity, and your strength. Let your progress be your answer.

And remember: you are not selfish for choosing to evolve. You are brave.
It takes incredible courage to outgrow who you used to be. To disrupt cycles. To walk away from roles you were never meant to play. To choose healing, wholeness, and truth—especially in a world that profits off your self-doubt. Your evolution is not abandonment. It’s alignment. And anyone who truly loves you will celebrate your becoming, not resist it.

Peace.